What's for dinner?

This is what's for dinner tonight! Yummy! Along with some steak tips on the grill.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/baked-macaroni-and-cheese-recipe/index.html

This was our dinner last night!
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/chicken-and-dumplings-recipe/index.html

Oh my goodness was it awesome!!! :) I have been in the mood to try some different things. I was getting tired of the same old thing. Plus, it's been so cold, so some nice warm comfort foods are great too! It made enough for leftovers and I can take some for lunch for a couple of days as well. Since I am staying away from lunch meats while I am pregnant, I like having different things for lunch. I have a yummy looking macaroni and cheese recipe I am going to try as well to make for me for lunches as well!
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/baked-macaroni-and-cheese-recipe/index.html

OB apt. and a good friend!

Yesterday I had jury duty and I got released early! I called my OB's office and they were able to get me in earlier because my appointment was originally at 4pm. So, I went to lunch and then headed over to my apt. I was feeling a little anxious because Dave couldn't be there with me and I was so worried they wouldn't be able to find the baby's heartbeat. I guess that is the post-loss mama feelings coming through. So, my blood pressure was a tad bit high, but not really high and my OB wasn't overly concerned. We talked about an amnio in the event that I will have to have one at 37 weeks. I was feeling nervous about it, but she put my mind at ease. I joked with her and told her she is not aloud to be on vacation during the first few weeks of June because she is delivering this baby! I want to come full circle with her and she agreed, she wants to deliver our baby too! :)
She said I can come in again in two weeks when I have my ultrasound. That way she can check my BP and see how I am doing. I just have to say it again, I LOVE my OB!! She is awesome!

Today I was talking to my friend Trinity on Facebook and I was telling her how I was anxious about the nurse not being able to find the baby's heartbeat and how I should just go ahead and buy a doppler. She told me that she has one and she'll send it to me!! I am so grateful to her! That takes away a lot of my fears. Now I just have to hope that I will be able to find baby's heartbeat on my own!!

Tonight for dinner I made this, http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/30-minute-shepherds-pie-recipe2/index.html
Oh my goodness, it was so yummy and Dave loved it too!!

I will leave you now with my new baby bump picture, 16 weeks 1 day!

16 weeks

Tomorrow I will be 16 weeks, approx. 21 weeks left to go!! I have a regular OB appointment tomorrow as well as Jury Duty! Fun stuff! I love seeing my OB.

Today

Today I felt the baby give me the tiniest little nudge while I was sitting at lunch! What a nice feeling that was!! Made me feel a little better since I have been so anxious lately. I felt Moira at 14 weeks and I really haven't felt this baby much. I know every baby is different, but when you are a loss mom, every little thing makes you anxious!
At the end of the day, the dull headache I had all day got worse. It was awful! I thought I would pass out. After running to the store for some more Tylenol and paying our mortgage, I came home and went to bed. I put a cold cloth over my head and fell asleep. It feels much better now!!
I had the nurse at school check my BP this morning and it was 117/62! Whoo hoo!
Also today was a little weird. We went to our neighbor's house to pick up the rest of our baby stuff. They had been storing it at their house since I was in the hospital with Moira. Them and two other friends had gone to our house while we were in the hospital and cleaned up all of the baby stuff, the pack and play, swing, bouncy seat, car seat, etc. All of that stuff was out in our house. Not all of it was set up yet, but it was there. Now we have it back. I thought I would be sad, but it felt good to have it all at home. SO, for now it's stored in the nursery. It's so hard to call it the nursery, I pause a lot and call it Moira's room. I mean, it is Moira's room, but it will also be this little baby's room too. So, now I just try to call it the nursery. It's hard. Don't get me wrong, I actually can't wait to have this baby in the nursery. It's beautiful!! I am dying to use it!! I WANT to use it!!
Check out this post, it has a few pictures of it!

What is a Rainbow Baby?

People have asked me this question before and I searched and searched all over to find the best meaning I could for a "Rainbow Baby."
This is what I found.....

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

I think that's a pretty good definition of what a rainbow baby means.

Check out the new digs!

Thank you so much to my online friend Mandy for designing my new blog! It looks great!! :) Starting a new year with a new blog and new hope!!!

Happy 2010!!!

I feel hopeful today. Hopeful for a better year and that things will start to turn around for us. Today I celebrate my 34th birthday, feeling a little old!! I also am celebrating the new year, as well as my 15th week of pregnancy!! 15 weeks!! Approximately 22 more weeks to go, that is if this baby comes at 37 weeks. If not, it's 23 more weeks. Not too shabby!! 22 weeks sounds a lot shorter than 5 months for some reason.
Today I am doing a whole lot of nothing!! I took a shower and I am sitting in my sweats. That's what I want to do for my birthday. Dave will make me a nice dinner with some good meat we bought at the butcher the other day. We will relax, maybe play some Wii bowling or something, and possibly watch a movie.
That's my day!!

I am also excited because an online friend that I have met is helping me to redesign this blog for the new year and the new baby! So, look for that in the coming week!!

Happy New Year everyone and may your 2010 bring you lots of joy!!

See ya later 2009 and don't come back!!!

I am so glad that we are in the last few hours of 2009. It started out as a wonderful year. We were expecting our first baby and we were so excited. Then that fateful day came, May 8, 2009. It sucked. We found out our baby was born with severe brain damage and she wouldn't live.
As we are about to embark on a new year, I am feeling hopeful. Still a little sad, but hopeful. Since Moira's passing, I have battled with post-partum depression, I mean who wouldn't after the hell I went through? I have met some amazing women who have helped my heart to heal some. I got my blood pressure under control and my PPD as well. I have grown closer to my wonderful husband and we have really been there for each other. I have grown closer to some friends and also haven't spoken to friends since Moira's death. I have gotten used to a new me. It's not a better me, but a new me. The me after my baby died. I have gotten over the fear of my new niece and embraced her with open arms. She has become a big part of my healing as well. She is the most amazing little girl. She probably will never really know how much she helped her auntie and uncle. Then in October we found our rainbow. We were pregnant again. The emotions were running wild. Our world was going to be changed again. More appointments, more worries, more excitement. Everything is going well though! Sometimes I feel guilty because all I had of Moira was my pregnancy with her and now I am sharing those only moments with another child. A child who will hopefully heal our heart just a little more. How can I be so happy, but also feel so guilty?
2010, I feel like it's going to be a good year. I mean, it has to be a good year after the hell we have been through, right??? Why would the universe do that to us again?
Welcome 2010 and please, please bring us the hope and healing that we need!

Christmas.....Bah Humbug?

So, there is this commercial on TV that I just HATE right now. It's a commercial for a local jewelery store. It's this woman rocking her baby girl in front of the Christmas tree and her husband comes downstairs. She says it's 2am and the baby just fell asleep. The dad says something along the lines of "It's 2am on our first Christmas together as a family." ***CRIES*** It makes me want to scream! That's supposed to be Dave and I and Moira and it's not us. It will NOT be us this year. I want to throw something at the TV whenever that commercial comes on. I mean, we do have a lot to be happy about this Christmas and a lot to be sad about as well. We are expecting a new baby, but we are also mourning the loss of our daughter who should be here with us. I am having a really hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year.
Anyway, there we have it. Moira is never far from my thoughts. I think of her everyday. I think of holding her, smelling her, and just feeling her in my arms, wishing I could hold her again, but this time never let go. This new baby is a blessing for us, a way for us to heal and to maybe fill a little bit of the hole left behind after Moira died, but this baby won't be replacement for Moira. Nothing or noone will ever replace our first born daughter. We are looking to the future now and trying to think about this baby and take everything one day at a time, but also never forgetting our sweet angel.