Friday, September 11, 2009

My baby "got sick and passed away......."

Hello everyone!!
Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I am just so tired when I get home from work and the last thing I feel like doing is blogging. :( I loved doing it all summer, but now just my comfy clothes and my bed call out to me.
My days are filled with classes and running around the school with different errands and such to do. Copies to make, folders to organize, and kids to help out! This week I had a 7th grader ask me if I had any kids, well of course I had to tell her. I have a picture of Moira sitting on my desk and this girl will be in my classroom 4 days a week. So, I told the student that I had a little baby who got sick and passed away. Sigh.....she was so sweet. Then today I had an 8th grader who knew me last year from another class, but she didn't know what happened to Moira. Most of the 7th graders last year who I would of had encounters with in certain classrooms were told. This one wasn't told. She wasn't in a class that I would have subbed in or helped out in. She was in a study hall with the woman I shared a classroom with last year. So, she asked me if I had a boy or a girl. I told her that actually my baby got sick and passed away. So, that is my token answer for any of the kids. That is what they told the kids last year, that Moira "got sick and passed away."
I hate to say that, I hate that I had a baby who got sick and died! A baby I longed for and wanted for so long. A baby I planned for and loved from the minute we knew we were pregnant with. All I have left of her is her ashes sitting on a shelf and her hair in my locket. My baby got sick and passed away. It's just not fair! I WANT MY BABY HERE WITH ME!!! Why don't I get to have my baby here??? Sigh......
Anyway, that's been my week. I promise to try and update a little more, but nothing super exciting is going on with me.
I am excited that next weekend I get to meet some loss mamas for the first time IRL, all who have had their rainbow babies as well. They have been a wonderful support for me from the beginning. Debbie, Jen, and Maria, I can't wait to see you ladies and have a nice weekend!


Almost a Mother said...

I teach middle school as well, and honestly-I am sometimes shocked by how sweet they are. I missed the end of last school year and my twins were born/died and they left me secret notes hidden throughout my room saying, "We miss you." They also are not afraid to bring it up! And they can just say, "That sucks."
I'm so sorry that your baby isn't with you, too. So, so sorry.

Jayme said...

Oh I am so sorry, I can't imagine if I worked and had to tell everyone :(

Alison said...

Thanks! I am happy about one thing, I didn't have to tell the other teachers. Unless they were new this year, they all found out last year when Moira died. Most of the kids found out, but not all of the 7th graders from last year knew. at least I don't have to tell the whole school, thank God!

Prather Family said...

I was wondering how you were doing this week hun. I know how hard it can be to work and then find time to blog.

I'm glad you have been able to talk to some of the sweet kids. I bet they understand better than some of the adults in your life. None of it is fair and I only wish you could have Moira in your arms and not just in your hearts.

I hope you have a good time meeting some of the loss Mammas. Say hi to Debbie for me. She is such a sweet lady.

Always thinking of you,


Mary said...

I went to a group therapy meeting and they did say that we should have a script ready. I have that same script. My baby had a virus and passed away. I hate saying it because everytime I say it, it feels more real and that hurts.

Melissa's Marathon said...

Ugh, Alison, I am so sorry. It is not fair. At all :-(

I hope you don't mind, but I am working on a scrapbooking project in a class I am taking online and I included an entry about Moira and how you both have touched my life.

Keep strong. Your angel is always with you and she will see that good things are coming your way.

SkyBird said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I came upon your page, and sadly have lost my precious angel too. I lost my baby boy Brandon, April 12th, 2009. Seems we are on the journey now of grief. You are welcome to visit my blog if you like: Anyhoo, I am just so sorry that you know this pain. Your daughter is lovely... With Care and Support, A fellow Mommy (Sky).