Monday, September 28, 2009

October 15th

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Please light a candle 7pm no matter which time zone you are in. Remember Moira and all of the other baby angels in heaven that day.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Our 6 year old nephew Nathan is here today. I was showing him a scrapbook that someone made for me of Moira. He looked at the pictures with me and then said to me "I wish I could have seen Moira in person instead of just in pictures." I do too Nathan, I do too.
Sigh.....he likes to talk about her, ask us questions, and go in her room. I told him that I have a few good friends whose little babies died and went to heaven because they were sick too. I told him they were all playing with Moira and keeping each other safe in heaven. I asked him if he liked that, and he said "yes." He is such a sweetie. I told him that he can talk or ask about Moira anytime he wants because I don't want him to ever forget about her and he told me that he doesn't want to forget her!

Friday, September 11, 2009

My baby "got sick and passed away......."

Hello everyone!!
Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I am just so tired when I get home from work and the last thing I feel like doing is blogging. :( I loved doing it all summer, but now just my comfy clothes and my bed call out to me.
My days are filled with classes and running around the school with different errands and such to do. Copies to make, folders to organize, and kids to help out! This week I had a 7th grader ask me if I had any kids, well of course I had to tell her. I have a picture of Moira sitting on my desk and this girl will be in my classroom 4 days a week. So, I told the student that I had a little baby who got sick and passed away. Sigh.....she was so sweet. Then today I had an 8th grader who knew me last year from another class, but she didn't know what happened to Moira. Most of the 7th graders last year who I would of had encounters with in certain classrooms were told. This one wasn't told. She wasn't in a class that I would have subbed in or helped out in. She was in a study hall with the woman I shared a classroom with last year. So, she asked me if I had a boy or a girl. I told her that actually my baby got sick and passed away. So, that is my token answer for any of the kids. That is what they told the kids last year, that Moira "got sick and passed away."
I hate to say that, I hate that I had a baby who got sick and died! A baby I longed for and wanted for so long. A baby I planned for and loved from the minute we knew we were pregnant with. All I have left of her is her ashes sitting on a shelf and her hair in my locket. My baby got sick and passed away. It's just not fair! I WANT MY BABY HERE WITH ME!!! Why don't I get to have my baby here??? Sigh......
Anyway, that's been my week. I promise to try and update a little more, but nothing super exciting is going on with me.
I am excited that next weekend I get to meet some loss mamas for the first time IRL, all who have had their rainbow babies as well. They have been a wonderful support for me from the beginning. Debbie, Jen, and Maria, I can't wait to see you ladies and have a nice weekend!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Busy, busy, busy!

Now that I am back to work, I don't have much time for my daily blogging, reading blogs, Facebook, etc. I think my husband is happy with that!! ;o) The week has been crazy and we have only had the kids two days this week and we have Friday off. Monday was professional development, so it wasn't bad. The student's schedules are all screwy, so it's made the start of the school year even more hectic than usual. It's OK, I smile and go where I am told. I have had more free time at work then I would normally have, but I have been filling my days. I came home Tuesday after having just a crazy, busy day, not stressful, just lots of running around. My blood pressure was 150/100 and that was with my medication that morning. So, I decided I should probably take it 3 times a day instead of two and my doctor had said I could do this if it was continuing to be sort of borderline or high. So, today I took it again around lunch time and then took my blood pressure at the end of the day before going home and it was 130/82, much better. So, I think at least for now I will take the meds. 3 times a day and see how that goes.

I was so anxious and nervous all last week about returning to work. My post-loss job, where I was pregnant the whole school year. How were people going to react to me, what would they say, what would I say, how would I feel sitting at my desk again?? I had a few panic attacks last week and was very, very nervous the first day. After going to the district wide opening day meeting, I headed over to the jr. high and we had our school meeting. Everyone was coming up to me, hugging me, welcoming me back, saying how happy they were to have me back, and also say how sorry they were. It felt so good and I felt so loved!

Anyway, I also have to just put in here that I hope you all will say some prayers for this family.
I have no words for the loss they are experiencing right now. Mirne, if you read this I am so, so, sorry for this horrible loss you are experiencing right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope to try and update a little more often, but I have been so exhausted after work this week! Hope everyone is enjoying the start of fall. Hard to believe summer is over.