Busy, busy, busy!

Now that I am back to work, I don't have much time for my daily blogging, reading blogs, Facebook, etc. I think my husband is happy with that!! ;o) The week has been crazy and we have only had the kids two days this week and we have Friday off. Monday was professional development, so it wasn't bad. The student's schedules are all screwy, so it's made the start of the school year even more hectic than usual. It's OK, I smile and go where I am told. I have had more free time at work then I would normally have, but I have been filling my days. I came home Tuesday after having just a crazy, busy day, not stressful, just lots of running around. My blood pressure was 150/100 and that was with my medication that morning. So, I decided I should probably take it 3 times a day instead of two and my doctor had said I could do this if it was continuing to be sort of borderline or high. So, today I took it again around lunch time and then took my blood pressure at the end of the day before going home and it was 130/82, much better. So, I think at least for now I will take the meds. 3 times a day and see how that goes.

I was so anxious and nervous all last week about returning to work. My post-loss job, where I was pregnant the whole school year. How were people going to react to me, what would they say, what would I say, how would I feel sitting at my desk again?? I had a few panic attacks last week and was very, very nervous the first day. After going to the district wide opening day meeting, I headed over to the jr. high and we had our school meeting. Everyone was coming up to me, hugging me, welcoming me back, saying how happy they were to have me back, and also say how sorry they were. It felt so good and I felt so loved!

Anyway, I also have to just put in here that I hope you all will say some prayers for this family.
I have no words for the loss they are experiencing right now. Mirne, if you read this I am so, so, sorry for this horrible loss you are experiencing right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope to try and update a little more often, but I have been so exhausted after work this week! Hope everyone is enjoying the start of fall. Hard to believe summer is over.

Possibly a purpose???

Maybe you all remember this post where I talked about having a purpose in life after the loss of my first born daughter. I have been searching for my purpose, wondering what it is now that I don't have my daughter here with me. After chatting this morning with a new online friend, hope you don't mind me mentioning you Debbie, I think I may have an idea of what my purpose is now.
While pregnant with Moira, I had pregnancy induced hypertension, PIH, and that is possibly what caused Moira's brain damage and eventual death. Moira was as close to stillbirth as you can possibly get. My friend Debbie had PIH as well and her daughter Sophie was stillborn as well. Debbie had a friend who just had a baby who was stillborn and also had PIH. Is there a link to this?? I have no idea, I don't have a medical background, but what I do have is a drive to make people aware of this. I want to make woman aware of this, if you have high blood pressure while pregnant, be aware of ALL of the things that can happen to your unborn baby. Speak up, talk to your OB, you need to be your own advocate. Luckily I have an amazing OB who was keeping an eye one me, but what happened to Moira, noone would have been able to know about it.
So Debbie and I chatted some more and the two of us want to do our research, figure out a way to make woman aware of this and what can happen and to feel empowered to be their own advocate. We have no idea where to begin or where to go, but we are going to figure out something!! :) In October Debbie and I are going to try to meet up when I go with Dave to conference not far from her hometown. That will be so much fun to meet her after all of this time we have been chatting! She has been a wonderful support to me during this awful journey I am on. Sigh....Anyway, thanks Debbie for our chat this morning.

Good friends

Feeling a little better today. I haven't showered or dressed yet, but neither has Dave!! He has Fridays off in the summer, so I like just being a bum with him on Fridays if we don't have anything to do. It's so nice!
I've got so much swirling around in my head these days. Trying to think of things I can do with my time. I think this week, if I can swing it, I am going to go to a local fabric store and take a sewing lesson. I have a beautiful sewing machine my mom bought for me a few years ago and I have no idea how to use it! My friend taught me how to use it when I first got it, but then it's been sitting in my closet now for years! I want to learn to sew and maybe learn to make things I can sell on the side for a little extra money. We'll see!!
Tonight we are going to dinner with some good friends of ours and then to the movies. We are going to eat at http://www.famousdaves.com/ and then going to see The Hangover. Should be fun. We love hanging out with these friends of ours. They are laid back, fun, and have been a wonderful support to us through everything!
My blood pressure was a little on the high side yesterday, but when I got up this morning, it was back down. So, not sure what's going on there.
That's about it for now! Thanks for listening!

blood pressure

I am psyched that the blood pressure medication already seems to be working. My BP looked pretty close to normal when I took it this morning! I am hoping with some more exercise and this medication, it will get under control before I get pregnant again! When I read about the medication online, it does say that it works in 4-6 hours. Wow! It is also safe to take during pregnancy, which is what I wanted. I am happy to be another step closer!

More hope for a brighter future

Yesterday was my follow up appointment with my primary care doctor. It was a good appointment. She is great!! I have been going to her for 9 years now, so I feel like I have a good relationship with her. Anyway, my blood pressure was still borderline high so we talked about my options. She mentioned that some people will continue to try exercise, etc. to bring it down as an option first. I told her that I would prefer to go the medication route at this point because we want to try again so soon to get pregnant. I really want to get this BP under control now before we get pregnant again. Even with exercise, there is still the possibility that my BP will be high again during pregnancy since it was preg. induced to begin with. I don't want to mess around with meds. when I do get pregnant, I would like to already be on something. So, she agreed and she started me on a low dose of a medication that I will take 2 times a day. She wants me to continue to monitor my BP with my little cuff and if it continues to be high, she wants me to up the meds. to 3 times a day. Then I will see her again in a month. She wants me to conitnue to exercise as well.
So, we'll see where this brings me, but it gives me more hope towards a healthy pregnancy next time around.

Wii and the Wii Fit

So, we bought the Wii and the Wii Fit today!! Yay!!! I am so excited. I tried it out tonight and it says I am obese and my Wii age is 44. Lovely! I did just have a baby 7 weeks ago. I still had $200 left from the gift cards that my old work gave us so we put that towards it plus some money we had in savings. I made Dave try it out tonight too and he liked it. Tomorrow we are going to go and get some hand weights and a mat to put under our elliptical because we have wood floors and it moves everywhere. We are both going to try and do the Wii Fit and the elliptical as much as we can. The Wii Fit will be easy to do everyday, it's so fun. I am going to take it up to NH with us next week and try and use it. My SIL wants to get the Wii Fit too, so she can give it a try too. Should be fun! I want to lose and tone this baby fat and get healthy for the next baby and it will also help my blood pressure.
Anyway, now we are going to do the bowling again. That's fun too. I love it!! I love our XBOX 360 too, it can do a whole lot more, but this is fun and easy for me. I have horrible eye hand coordination, so the Wii is totally easy for me!!

another appointment on the road to recovery and new hope

Today I had an appointment with my primary care doctor. She has been my doctor for the past nine years through many ups and downs in my life and my infertility. It was good to go back to her and check in. I brought pictures of Moira to share with her and she was so glad that I did. We talked for a bit about how I am doing and how I am feeling. I was telling her how some days even though I can get up, get showered, and dressed, I still find it hard to motivate myself to DO anything, to be social. I know it's normal in the grieving process, but some days it really bothers me and other days I don't care. I am doing what I can.
I had my blood pressure checked by the nurse at first and it was 146/94, kind of high. Then my doctor checked it again for me after I had been in there for a little while and it was 120/90. Still on the high side, but nothing to get worried about right now. She wants me to check it a few times a week with the wrist monitor I have, record the time of day and what it was, and then I am going to see her in 4 weeks to see where I am at. In the meantime I need to start some exercising. So, Dave borrowed a Wii from someone and we are going to get Wii fit and I am going to try that out. Plus we have an elliptical that I need to start using. Also my amazing and wonderful yoga teacher has given me a yoga session for the summer. www.smilingcircleyoga.com check her out if you live in the area and are interested in yoga. She is an awesome yoga teacher!! So, I will go for about 6 weeks to yoga on her. I was so overwhelmed by her generosity, but it will help me on my road to recovery and hope of a new baby in 2010!!
That is my update for now. I will keep you all posted as the summer goes on and I go to other doctor's appointments, etc. Thanks for listening.

update on autopsy and doctor's appointments

Here is a quick update. I will try and update with more details later as I am still trying to process all of the information. Yesterday was a long day. We started with a 10 am apt. with the therapist we are seeing together. She is wonderful and knows how to ask us the right questions. We both really like her and like our sessions with her. Then I had my 11:30 am 6 week post-partum check up with my OB. Everything is healing wonderfully and I am cleared to start doing some simple exercising and then work my way up. Now I need to find the motivation! My blood pressure was fairly normal too, 120/82. Then at 1 pm we met with Moira's NICU doctor and my OB to go over the autopsy results. We didn't learn anything new, everything was about the same and what we had already learned while we were still in the hospital. The only new thing was that we learned my placenta was too small to support Moira's life, for whatever reason it didn't grow. That was probably due to my BP issues. So, that was hard to hear, but we did have an idea that something was wrong with the placenta from the beginning of all of this, we just didn't know what. We were told that there really is no way of knowing that ahead of time. The only thing we can do is be watched more closely the next time around and also as soon as my BP increases, I will go on medication to keep it normal. Sigh.....it was a long day.

The good news, if there can be any good news, is that we have an appointment with the fertility doctor in 2 weeks to discuss our options and my OB wants me to make an appointment with a high risk OB to ask questions to her about high BP, etc. in preparation for our next pregnancy. I also have an appointment with my primary care doc. tomorrow to check in with her and see what she thinks of my BP. Like I said, it was fairly normal yesterday, but we want to see what she thinks and whether or not I should start meds now. So, lots of appointments will be coming up in order to prepare us for our next pregnancy.

On a side note, one of our 5 cats, Kismet, was hit by a car last night and left to die on the side of the road, right in front of our neighbor's house. Noone came looking for us or anything and Dave was out in back mowing the lawn. We found out because a couple walking down the street saw her and then saw that we had 2 cats in our front yard. So, they were nice and came looking for Dave and asked him. It was awful!! Not a great way to end the day. People on our road drive way too fast and it's crazy! I think we are going to try and do something about it with our neighbors. Maybe put HUGE speed bumps in front of our house or big orange cones or something telling people to slow down!!! UGH!!! I hate how inconsiderate people can be.

Doctor's apt. and ultrasound

Today I had another doctor's appointment, 36 weeks 2 days!! I have a little less than four weeks left of this pregnancy, hopefully less than that. My blood pressure was down a little more, 126/88, still high but better than it has been the last few times. I had the first of my weekly ultrasounds too to check on the fluid levels and make sure Moira is moving around like she should be. Everything checked out great!! After the tech. checked everything, she did a 3D ultrasound to our surprise. They don't usually do them, but will do it for practice for themselves. It was so amazing to actually see our little girl's face!! Anyway, here is a picture!

update on my BP

Yesterday I had an appt. with my regular OB. My BP was a little better than it was on Tuesday when I saw the nurse. Today it was 136/90 and Tuesday it was 144/96 and that is when they sent me to L & D, etc. My 24 hour urine test results came back within normal limits so that's good too!
So, my OB said that she doesn't see me going to my due date, whether she induces me or Moira comes on her own. She said we are going to try to avoid induction because I would rather Moira come on her own. If it means the health of both of us, then I will take the induction. She said if we get to 39/40 weeks and Moira hasn't come yet and my BP is increasing, then we'll induce.
It was a good apt., I got some questions answered that I have had the last week or so, induction being the biggest one. Starting next week she is having me come for weekly ultrasounds as well as my weekly appointments. She wants them to check the fluid levels and make sure she is moving around nicely. She said that high BP can affect the placenta which can affect the fluid levels, so she wants to make sure everything stays good the way it has been!! I don't mind seeing her weekly until she comes!!
So, we'll see what happens in the next few weeks. At this point, she can come whenever she wants to come now that the crib is set up, we are ready! I will post some pictures too!