Monday, July 20, 2009

My dear sweet Moira Mae,
I have been missing you a lot today, like I do everyday, but today I am in some sort of funk. I don't really want to get moving, but I need to do it. Mommy has a check up with her doctor today to see how I am doing with my blood pressure. I really want to get it under control so we can have a baby brother or sister for you. I wonder everyday why this had to happen to us. Why were you taken from daddy and I? What did we do? We love you so much and loved you before you were even conceived. We had so many plans for you this summer, so many things we wanted to do with you. Everyday I get up hoping that I will wake up from this awful nightmare and you are here with us, but I don't wake up from it I continue to be in this nightmare everyday. I wonder what you would look like now, would you be cooing at me, smiling, laughing. Sometimes I dwell on those thoughts, but then I have to stop myself because I know how sad they will make me. Some days getting through the day is so hard, and other days I forget where the day went. Your daddy is amazing and helps me get through the day, everyday. Sometimes he doesn't know that he does, but he does. Your daddy and I think of you everyday. We know you are in a better place where you are and you aren't in pain anymore and that makes us feel at peace, but it's also so hard for us to think of you there. Why aren't you here with us?
I am so bad at these things, but I felt the need to write you a letter today. To tell you how much I love you and miss you today and everyday. I get mad at myself some days because I forgot to think about you, but then I realize you are always present in my thoughts even if I don't always remember what they were. You are always in my heart and in my mind, you always will be no matter how old I am or how many more babies I have, you will always be my first sweet little angel.
I love you Miss Moira Mae. Please bless your daddy and I with another sweet baby to bring home and live with us here on Earth. We need you, but know we can't have you, so now we need a baby sister or brother to fill our empty arms and our empty house.
I love you with all of my heart,
Mommy<3

4 comments:

Ashley & Chris said...

I feel in a "rut" too right now. This post is honestly EXACTALY how I am feeling right now at this very moment. God bless.
Ashley

Ashley & Chris said...

This is exactally how I currently feel in this very moment. I just didn't feel like blogging it today because I feel as I keep repeating myself in my blogs. I agree, why us?
God bless,
Ashley

Debbie said...

Alison,

I have tears falling after reading this. I know exactly what you are feeling and I wish neither of us did know.

You did not do anything. Bad things happen to good people and I don't think we will ever know or understand why it happens.

I wish I could take this all away for you. It's too much some days for anyone to bear and I am sad that you know how this feels.

There is nothing at all I can say to make it feel better-- just know that I am carrying some of your grief in my heart-- if only that knowledge could help your broken heart even just a little bit.

I'm sorry. I am sending my love to you & Moira Mae today. I am so glad you have Dave to help you through this-- my husband was my rock as well.

You know how to find me if ever you need. xxxx

Debbie

Prather Family said...

I am shedding tears for you and your pain. I know you didn't do anything to deserve life without your daugther. All you did is love that sweet baby every single second. I wish that you and every other mom would never know what it is like to lose a child. I'm hoping that Moira will send a little blessing your way because she knows you and Dave love her very much. My thoughts are with you today.