Thursday, July 23, 2009

What's your purpose?

As a loss mama, do you ever feel like you have no purpose in life after the loss of your child? Maybe you lost your 2nd baby and you have an older child that you need to be there for or maybe you lost your 1st baby and now you have nothing. What do you do? What is your purpose in life now? I am currently in the situation. It's kind of how I have been feeling the past few days. What is my purpose? Moira was my first baby, I was supposed to be off all summer so I could take care of her before going back to work in the fall. Now all I have are my cats. They don't need me the way a baby needs me. They just want some food and to be let inside and outside all day long. My husband doesn't need me the way a baby needs me. So, what do I do now?
I don't have much to look forward to during the day other than the fact that Dave comes home from work around 12:30ish and we can have the rest of the day to do whatever together. I am really slacking on the house cleaning stuff and not really feeling like being much of a housewife either. I am focusing on getting healthy and getting ready for another baby, but that doesn't take much to do. what is my purpose? What should I be doing with my days? I don't know what to do. I am working on it. I guess I am just looking forward to the 2nd week of August when we will go to Cape Cod and be on vacation and Dave will be done with summer school and then he'll have 3 weeks off before school starts.


Ashley & Chris said...

I feel EXACTALLY what you describe. Purpose-less. I too, cant even seem to get the house clean.

Prather Family said...

I don't even know what to say to help you feel better.I can't tell you what your purpose is...I don't think any of us really figure that out. Losing sweet Moira takes a whole out of your heart along with what you thought your purpose was. And I'm sure anything I suggest to help you feel better and have some purpose will be misguided since I haven't experienced a loss. Just know that I am thinking of you and praying that Moira sends you a brother or sister real soon and your purpose of being a mom will begin at home. (((Big Hugs)))

Sarah and Andy said...

I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't say that I know how you feel. My best friend lost her baby last year and she actually said that exact same thing to me! She told me that she felt lost and didn't know what her purpose in life was. She was trying to get a teaching job, but didn't have one at the time and her situation was similar to yours. She's come a long way since then and she's really getting a lot of help from her support group at the hospital. She's still trying to conceive and has good and bad days. She tells me that she has changed and will never be the person she was before she lost her son. She's adjusting to her new "normal" but never stops missing her baby and doesn't think that she'll feel complete until she's holding a healthy baby in her arms. I sent her your link and hope that she can shed some light as well. Please know that you're not alone and you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Debbie said...

I don't have any sage words of wisdom here, the only thing I can say is that when Sophie died, I had a huge void-- a hole in my heart. She was my second, so I had another child to keep going for.
That being said, I spent many days letting the tv babysit Rylie while I simply sat around and surfed the 'net and red blogs of people like me. I don't know that I ever really found a purpose in all this, except to just keep going. One foot in front of the other.
As you know, though, that often just involved me getting dressed.

I'm sorry, friend, sorry that your experiencing all of this. Sorry that your Moira Mae is not here with you. I am sorry. I wish I could say more.


Laura said...

Thinking of you! I've met a lot of moms in a similar situation where they lost their first baby. (I lost one of my twins)- At our hospital many of them found different ways to memorilize their baby and help other future bereaved families. One girl wrote up a pamphlet of things to do when you lose your baby (take pics, etc) Another made CDs of favorite songs that reminded her of her son, donated teddy bears, knit blankets, etc. Praying that you will find yourself pregnant again soon- and that you see some purpose in all this- it is so very very hard- took me YEARS!!
Laura D.