Meeting today

I just wanted to let you all know that my meeting with my boss went really well today. She is so supportive and such a wonderful person. She really helped to ease my anxieties. I am so grateful for that. I know now that going back to work on Monday will be hard, but it will be good for me and I will have so many people there rooting for me and cheering me on. When we finally get pregnant again, both Dave and I will have both schools behind us 100%!! He works across the street from me at the high school.
Anyway, thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers!!

My dream, again

Two things about my previous dream my therapist said I should take the energy from my dream and go with it. In other words, she said I should journal to the twins. Write them notes, talk to them, etc. She said she believes in dreams coming true and that if you take the energy from such a great dream that it's possible it will come true. I've been thinking about that and thinking about writing to "my twins." We'll see!!

Also, I talked to my mom about it last night. I told her about the dream and how vivid it was and how I rarely remember my dreams. She asked if I could be pregnant and I said no because I had just finished my period. She called it a baby dream. She had told me before about how she had vivid dreams while pregnant with me and my brother. She knew I was a girl and Tom was a boy, she knew what we looked like, everything. Since then she has had other baby dreams about people close to her, her sister, friends, etc. She never had a baby dream when I was pregnant with Moira and I never had a baby dream while pregnant with her either. I had one early on of me buying baby boy clothes, but no baby in the dream. That was before we knew she was a girl. Then later on I had a dream of me nursing her, but it wasn't very vivid and I barely remember it. So, I am wondering if that means something? I don't want to read into it because I think that will make me sad and I don't want to be sad. So, instead I think I am going to take the energy from the baby dream I had of me having twins and go with it like my therapist said. If I don't have twins, I won't be totally upset because then that means I can get pregnant again. I loved being pregnant and can't wait to get pregnant again. If I do have twins, then I would be OK with that too. It would be my last pregnancy though unless somewhere down the road I could convince Dave to go at it again and see. We always settled on the fact that we would have 2 kids and if we get them in one shot then great. We'll see.....

High Risk OB

OK, I know you have been waiting for this update about our appointment with the high risk OB. Sorry I didn't update sooner, but the internet connection wasn't great where we were staying on the Cape and I would get annoyed.
Overall it was a good appointment. She didn't really tell us anything we didn't already know, but it was good to meet with her and get her take on the whole thing. She said that the blood pressure meds. I am on are good for pregnancy, which I already knew. She also told us that I can take it up to 4 times a day during pregnancy and currently I am taking it two times a day. She looked at my BP numbers that I had been keeping a record of for the last 2 months. She said I was borderline high before the meds, but that it was good that I am getting it under control now. We talked about my feelings about the last two weeks of my pregnancy. I told her how in my gut, I feel like that is when things were going wrong when I look back on it now. That is when my BP increased even more, I was swollen, etc. She made me feel like my feelings were justified and she listened to everything I had to say. At this point she said that I could stay with my current OB and because they are in the same practice and talk on a regular basis, I can see both of them. I can do some appointments with my OB and then intersperse appointments with her in there as well. That was what we wanted to hear. Dave said he started to have a little panic attack while we were in there when he thought that she might say we couldn't see my OB again, that we would have to move over to just her. We both feel a connection with my OB and we want to keep her for my next pregnancy, so we were both very relieved when we found out I could keep her. I was having a bit of an anxiety attack myself sitting in the waiting room, etc.
Also, the doctor said that when I do get pregnant they will start monitoring me the way I was monitored for Moira earlier, around 28-30 weeks. She also pretty much told me that whatever I want, I can get in so many words. If I am feeling anxious and I want an ultrasound, they can do an ultrasound, I can come in and listen to the heartbeat, whatever. I had asked her if I would get an early ultrasound if we got pregnant on our own. I got an early ultrasound with the RE's office and then got one at 12 weeks with the OB's office. That is when she told me that I could get one whenever I want!! It probably wouldn't be whenever I want, but I am sure they will probably bend over backwards to make me feel at ease during my next pregnancy.
So all in all it was a good appointment. Like I said, it was stuff we already knew, but it was good to meet and know that everyone is on the same page.

Dreaming

I had a dream last night that we had twins, one boy and one girl. They came early and they were small, but they were very healthy and doing OK. I am not sure how I had them because I didn't have a c-section and I didn't go through labor, they just came out. That was the weird part of the dream. It was very vivid though and their names were Alexa Marie (my middle name is Marie) and Bradley David (Dave's name, obviously). It's funny that it was so vivid and as soon as I woke up I remembered their names and I liked their names. They were names we never really thought of using. I had contemplated using my middle name before we settled on Moira and we had talked about using Dave's name for a middle name if we had a boy, but that was it.

Hmmm.......I wonder if that means something? I am now the 3rd person to dream that we had twins. Dave did long before we were pregnant with Moira, and his sister did a few months ago. Interesting. Maybe that is what is meant to be.

My busy day, it was good!

Today was a busy day for me. It was nice! I saw my therapist at 9:00am this morning. We talked about my BP and us TTC again. I also told her about Dave's new job and how I will hopefully be able to stay home with our next baby. We got on the topic of vaccines and I was saying how now that I can stay home with a new baby, I can delay other vaccines and do it a little differently than we had originally planned. I was happy about that!!! She was telling me how she didn't vaccinate her kids at all and she treated them totally homeopathically. She saw a homeopathic doctor as well. It was interesting. More things to read about now!

Then I came home after my appointment to relax for a bit and then had to take one of our cats to the vet. He needed his rabies shot and his eye was a little swollen. He had pink eye back in January and it was starting to look like it again. After that, came home and made a quick lunch for Dave and I. He was running home real quick from work to eat and then had to head back up there again for a curriculum meeting. I had a hair cut appointment at 2:45. I haven't had my hair cut since April and it was LONG! I didn't realize how long it was until after she had washed my hair and showed me where 2 inches would be. So, I decided to get 2 1/2 inches cut off and it's now just above my shoulders. She did some fancy layering to it to give it a little more body. I am so simple with my hair because I have a lot of hair, but it's so fine that it's hard to do much with it.
I love the place I get my hair cut at. It's this little salon owned by one woman. She uses all natural and organic hair products and it is so calming and relaxing when I go in there. Downstairs from her is a little store called Tip Top Country Store, http://www.tiptoponline.us/
It is such a great little store, lots of organic and natural products. We don't shop there a lot because it can get expensive, but I stopped in and got a few things that I really like. I like shopping there because it's a local, cool store.

So, overall a nice, fun day for me. :) Tomorrow my friend Angela and I are going to IKEA!! YAY!!! I am going to look for computer desks for our computer room. It's time to reorganize that room!!

Hope on the horizon.......

Two things happened today to give us hope. Dave was offered an extra position at work with a wonderful stipend that will help us pay off some bills next school year, save some money, and possibly allow me to stay home with our next baby at least for a year. That is what I am most excited about. After everything we have been through with Moira, the possibility that I could get to stay home with our child makes it worth while. Dave said that is why he applied for the job, so I could stay home. Sigh.....my dream come true!!! :)

We also met with the fertility doctor, although it was sad we were back there, it also was hopeful. I had blood work done today. I will get the results tomorrow. She will be able to tell me if I have already ovulated. If I haven't ovulated yet, she gave me a prescription to start medication that will force a period for me. If I have ovulated, than we need to wait for a period. Once I get my period in August, I will call the office and we will begin starting the Clomid, IUI, etc. Dave and I decided not to try on our own in August. We want me to get healthy, i.e. lose some more weight and work on my blood pressure first. I would like to lose about 10 pounds in the next few months, not sure if it's possible, but I will try! Then we'll start treatments in the fall. He is just very concerned about my BP and me too, so we want that under control first. We are working on it. I see my primary care doctor on the 20th to check in and see what the next step is! YAY!

OK, so there is my good news for the day. Dave's new position at work, he will still be teaching, this will be extra and on top of his teaching duties. I will explain more once he says it's OK too. YAY!!