Charlotte's Story--Bringing our rainbow home!

Charlotte was conceived about 5 months after we lost Moira. We couldn't believe how quickly we got pregnant with her and we were so excited and scared of course. I had a closely watched pregnancy with blood pressure checks, ultrasounds, NST's, and OB appointments. Plus my OB was always an e-mail away if I had any questions. Her and my high risk OB wanted nothing more then to bring us a healthy baby safely!
Our plan was to have a repeat c-section so that we could hopefully deliver Charlotte on June 4th, the start of my 37th week. We went in that morning by 8am for an ultrasound and amnio with the high risk doctor to check her lung maturity. My OB was there as well, she is the one who delivered Moira, so this was a big day for her too. After the amnio, we were to wait on the results over in Labor & Delivery triage, that way if we got the go ahead we would be ready to go.

Last picture of Charlotte and I together!
Waiting to hear if she would be joining us that day!

They promised us we should know the results by 10am. Both of my OB's left us with hugs and fingers crossed and we waited in triage. 10 am rolled around and still no results, and so we waited! I was STARVING, but this was all for a good cause! I couldn't even have any water to drink. I think around 11 or 11:30 we got the results of the amnio and Charlotte's lungs were VERY mature and ready to go!! The prepping began, my OB was so excited and went to change into her scrubs while they prepped me. We had to wait on the anesthesiologist to come and prep. me as well. They were called to an emergency, but had already come in to talk to us and have me sign the paperwork. Finally by 12:30 we were ready to roll! They took me into the OR and Dave got his scrubs on. The anesthesiologist was amazing! She held my hand and one of the nurses let me hug her and my OB sat on the bed next to me while they started the spinal. Once that was in and they prepped me, Dave was aloud to come in. The whole process was relaxed, calming, and such a different experience. The anesthesiologist sat next to me and held my hand some more while they were prepping me before Dave came in, once he was in, she was close by to help us out. I was a mess while they were cutting me open. I was so scared and excited and crying. Dave was amazing, holding my hand, wiping my tears, kissing me, and telling me it was going to be alright. I remember asking my OB how it was going, and she said we were close. Next thing I know I felt tons of pulling, but it was so different then what I felt when they were delivering Moira. It didn't hurt as much and of course it didn't seem as rushed. All of a sudden I heard some gurgles and my OB shouting to get the suction and then the best sound in the world filled that OR. My screaming rainbow baby!!!

My beautiful screaming baby!
1:10pm 8lbs 1.4oz, 20inches

I lost it! I kept telling my OB that I all I wanted was to hear her scream and scream she did. She let us know she was not happy about being pulled out of my warm belly. Dave stood up and got to see her and told me she was beautiful. They took her to clean her up and Dave joined them. Charlotte was screaming the whole time and I was crying. Dave brought her over to me wrapped up like a burrito and she was still screaming and I told him I wanted to kiss her! He brought her close to me and I kissed her face and talked to her and she immediately stopped crying. She heard her mama's voice and knew everything was going to be alright.

We are a family!

After our little family met for the first time, they had to whisk her away and so Dave followed while I was sewed up. The anesthesiologist came and sat with me again. She kept telling me how beautiful Charlotte was and how strong I was to have gone through all of this. Everyone in the delivery room was aware of our history, so it made it that much more of a special delivery for us!
Once I was in recovery, I kept asking when I could see Charlotte. Finally the nurse called down and we found out her sugars were low so they were bringing Charlotte to me to breastfeed and have some skin to skin. Finally the moment I had been waiting for!! Charlotte latched on like a pro and the beginning of a wonderful relationship began!

Mama & baby together at last!

Our happy little family

We battled with her sugars being low, a nurse that wanted to give her a bottle instead of supplementing at the breast, jaundice, supplementing with formula, and then finally bringing our rainbow home!!

Finally going home! Charlotte didn't like the car seat!

21 more days

As I sit here drinking my coffee and watching Rachael Ray, I see my sweet, precious girl sleeping away in her swing. She has finally started taking a regular morning nap most mornings. It's been a process, but we've figured it out. Some days I get an hour and other days I get two. Anyway, sleep is another blog post for another day.
21 days......sigh. That's how many days I have left before I go back to work and leave my precious daughter in the care of someone else. I know she will be in good hands, but having been a nanny myself for a little babe, I know there will possibly be many firsts that I will miss. Charlotte hasn't started rolling yet, she's not fond of tummy time and will tolerate playing on the floor for a little while. I try to do it with her everyday. It hit me this morning as I showered with her sitting in her bouncy seat outside the shower, that I could possibly miss her rolling over for the first time. This really sucks! These are the sacrifices I have to make though. Am I OK with these sacrifices? No, not really. I mean, come on, my first daughter died! I will never have any firsts with Moira, never! Here I am blessed with another chance to experience these firsts and I have to send her off to daycare, where they might possibly get to see them!
I have to admit though, I have the perfect job to have with kids. I work in a Jr. High. I go in at 7ish and I'm out by 2pm. I have nothing to bring home with me. I get to leave work right away, no late days, do duties, etc. I can run right to daycare since it's behind the high school which is across the street from me! I can pick her up and we have the afternoon together. I get the weekends, holidays, school vacations, and then summer! So, I really do have the perfect job, if I have to work.
With the economy the way it is and the fact that we need to buy a new car for Dave, I have to work. We need my paycheck to help pay the mortgage. Thank goodness for Dave's extra job as Energy Manager, which will help to pay for daycare. It would be great if we could afford a nanny!!
This is where I am, trying to enjoy every last minute I have with her, but also worrying about our next big transition. I think tomorrow, if I can remember to bring my camera upstairs tonight, I will do a day in the life of Mama and Charlotte. That way I can document how we have spent our days!
Now I will leave you with some daily cuteness! This is Charlotte cuddling with my Uncle Andy when we went to visit him on Saturday.

Make your own cloth wipe solution

In our house we use cloth diapers. Since before I was pregnant with Moira, I knew I wanted to use them. I did tons of research and got lots of help from friends and some great websites. I worked on my stash of diapers for her and I couldn't wait to use them! When Charlotte came around, my long awaited cloth diapers were now going to be used! I couldn't wait! I also decided to try out cloth wipes.

I found this a woman on Diaper Swappers who makes wonderful wipes. I am not creative in any way, so Eli's Wipes are great for me. What I like about her wipes, as opposed to just flannel wipes, is she backs them with sherpa, velour, and a few other types of materials. These make the wipes thicker and nicer when wiping that wonderful breastmilk poo! I have a mixed variety of velour and sherpa. I have decided that I prefer the sherpa over the velour, so when I placed my last order from her I ordered all flannel/sherpa wipes. I only started out with about 30 wipes and now that we are using them on a regular basis I need more to get through a few days. I just placed an order for 45 more wipes! I am hoping that these will last us a little longer.
After doing a lot of research online for a good wipe solution to use with my cloth wipes, I decided on a combination of Burt's Bees baby wash, water, and Burt's Bees baby oil. I use the handy dandy squirt bottles that I swiped while we were in the hospital and they work great!!


After I have assembled my supplies, the first thing I do is fill the squirt bottle halfway with water. Then I add a few drops of baby oil and a few squirts of baby wash.



Then I fill the squirt bottle up and shake to mix. Before each use, I give the bottle a shake to mix it up before I squirt some on the wipe!


So, that's what I do for my cloth wipes and wiping my baby's bum! We've had no diaper rashes since using cloth diapers and her bum smells fresh and clean after she's wiped up! Now I'll leave you with a bit of cuteness!!

35 weeks

I took some pictures today at 35 weeks 2 days! I was comparing them to my pictures of me pregnant with Moira at the same time, 35.2 weeks, and I look much healthier this time around.

I dyed these t-shirts and hat for Charlotte! She is going to be styling!! I love the way they turned out!

I went through my cloth stash and got things ready for Miss Charlotte. The first picture is of my prefolds and small and xsmall covers

Here are the small all in ones and pockets.

These are the xsmall all in ones and pockets

One size diapers

X-Large wetbags for traveling, daycare, and to use downstairs.

I am feeling very ready for Charlotte! She can come anytime she wants to now! If she does decide to come on her own, then that would be fine. I would still go for the c-section, but then maybe I won't need to have the amnio.

Hello there blogging world

I have been really neglecting my blog lately. I have had a lot going on and I'm trying to cut out some internet time. I only have 6 weeks left until Charlotte is here, so internet is going to take a back seat!! :) I am going to want to spend as much time as I can with that little girl.
I am almost 31 weeks and feeling really good. I have two more weeks left of work. I have been going in twice a week to the OB's office for the last two weeks. Next week I start my weekly NST's and I have already been having weekly ultrasounds. Monday we have a growth ultrasound and a meeting with the high risk OB. We are going to sort of finalize our plans for delivery! I can't wait to meet with her!
We are on vacation this week and it's been relaxing. We haven't done a lot, but we are planning to do some major cleaning today! We have to clean and organize our guest room and basement a little too. It will be nice to have that organized!

I will end this post with pictures of me from yesterday at 30 weeks 5 days! I feel HUGE!!!

Picture Post

Here are some 3D pictures of Charlotte taken at my ultrasound on Friday at 29 weeks. The tech was having a hard time getting good shots, but these were the best. Charlotte has been an acrobat and her feet were by her face with her bum up on the upper right side of my belly. :) So, her feet were in front of her face and it was hard to get clear shots.





Here I am at 28 weeks 2 days with Dave on Easter Sunday. It was gorgeous and so warm out last weekend and now it feels a little more like Spring. :)

25 week growth ultrasound

I had my growth ultrasound yesterday at 25 weeks! Charlotte is about 1lb 13 oz right now and she is growing just fine! Everything looks good, she was practice breathing already. We saw her open and shut her hand, take a little drink and swallow, and of course move around some. It was probably one of the best ultrasounds I've had!! My friend Karen came with me and she loved it so much! She has never really seen a good ultrasound. She had them with her kids, but they are nothing like they were. The tech. tried a 3D image, but it's still kind of early and Baby C had her hand in front of her face at that point. She did look pretty cute though!! I can't quite tell who she looks like yet. When we had one at 36 weeks with Moira, we could tell right away she looked like Dave.
My OB said that in April we can schedule the C-section for June 4th, just in case I can deliver that day. She said she already has it blocked off for that day so that nothing else gets scheduled! How awesome is she?? If we can't deliver that day, then we'll just have to wait and see what my numbers are for the amnio, etc. We won't deliver any later than June 11th though!! I did tell her that if we have to go past the 4th, that I know myself and I know that I am going to start to get anxious and panic some. She totally understands, so we are hoping for the best! I will see the high risk OB at 32 weeks, around April 30th and we'll get some more confirmation from her.
Alright, that's it from here for now. I'll do a better update soon. I just wanted to post these pictures!!

24 weeks 2 days

Viability! If something were to happen, little Charlotte's chances of living are increasing day by day. Not that I am expecting anything to happen, but you just never know these days. Look at Michelle Duggar and her little girl Josie. I'm feeling good, tired. I think I am more tired this time around, but I guess back to back pregnancies will do that. I am starting to get anxious about getting the house cleaned up and organized. We really let it go after Moira died, so now that we know Charlotte will be here in 3 months, I really want to get it organized!! That would be the nesting instinct settling in for the long haul. Charlotte has been moving more and more. I think I am feeling hiccups too, which I was never quite sure if I felt them with Moira. Baby C really likes to kick mommy's bladder too, which results in more trips to the bathroom.
The other night I was laying in bed watching TV with Dave and I was feeling Charlotte move around. I got the strongest, most overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be OK. I was a little scared and I almost cried, but I just knew it was going to be OK. We are going to bring her home. I already feel like she is more active then Moira, but maybe I just notice more because I know what I am looking for. I don't know......
Spring is in the air around here. The last two days we have opened up our windows and let the house air out. The dusty, yuckiness of winter is leaving the house!! I love when we can open the windows in the house! I hate when it gets too hot to do that and we shut things up and turn on the air! We've done a little cleaning up this weekend. Organized our clothes closet in the computer room, went through stuff we didn't want, and cleaned up all the junk that was accumulating there. Next weekend we work on the guest room. Both rooms had become a catch all for our junk. The guest room needs to have things moved down to our basement to storage and then just cleaned up and aired out! That could take a day or two, we'll see!! I also want to start organizing some things in the nursery, but I think about it and then I feel anxious about it. I think I am a little afraid to really make it Charlotte's nursery, but I know that I need to. I am planning to take away a couple of things and add a few things to make it hers. I still have time, but I also really want to get working on it too. My mom is going to buy me a few things at IKEA to add to the room that match our theme. I can't wait to get them!! My parents will bring them out when they come for Charlotte's arrival!

OK here I am today at 24 weeks 2 days



And just for comparison sake, here I am at 25 weeks 1 day pregnant with Moira.

Life, Love, and Happiness

I woke up in the middle of the night sometime and this blog post was going over and over in my head. I wasn't sure what I would write exactly, but the name of the post was the first thing I thought of when I woke up.

Life: My life has been so up and down these past few years. In general, Dave and I have had lots of ups and downs in our marriage, but I think the last 2 years have been the worst we have ever experienced. First off suffering from unknown infertility. Trying for over a year to get pregnant and then finally getting pregnant, only to lose our most cherished daughter soon after birth. Then getting pregnant again almost 5 months later and enduring a high risk pregnancy. Sometimes life sucks, it really does. Life throws you for a loop, you go about your life expecting certain things to happen, and then BAM it doesn't go the way you expected it to go. It just sucks and it's so unfair. Now I feel like I sometimes live my life sort of jaded. I may not always be the optimistic person I used to be because somewhere deep down, I know you can't always count on a good outcome of life.

Love: I am more in love with my husband today then I have ever been. He is my rock, my love, my best friend. He is an amazing man who has helped me gain more strength and courage then I have ever thought I could have. I also have to credit Moira for some of the strength and courage as well. I never thought I had it in me, I never thought I could make some of the decisions I have made until she came along. I love her more than life itself and I wish she could be here. If she were here, we wouldn't be expecting Charlotte, but we are expecting her and maybe that's how it's supposed to be. It's weird how that works sometimes. I also never thought in a million years I could love a person as much as I love my daughter and daughter to be. I have so much love for them. I also never thought I could love my husband more everyday. I thought I loved him very much, but it just keeps growing. Love is definitely a good thing to have in your life. I don't know what I would do without it!

Happiness: Sometimes I wonder, "Am I really happy?" How can I be happy? My greatest treasure was taken away from me. One of the happiest days of my life was the day I married Dave. We have had a wonderful marriage and he makes me happy everyday. The next happiest day of my life, was the day we found out we were pregnant, and then after that was the day we found out we were having a girl. It all came crashing down the day she was born and we found out she wasn't going to live. How could I ever be happy again? What would make me happy again? Having her in my life, that would make me happy. I know that's not possible. She is in a better place where she isn't in any pain and I hope that my Grandma is taking care of her. When would I be happy again? When I meet Moira in heaven? Would I ever feel that happiness again? Well, the day we found out I was pregnant with Charlotte and the day we found she is a girl. My smile came back, but I just haven't been completely happy. My happiness is somewhat jaded, there are all of these questions and worries surrounding this pregnancy. Will it happen again? Am I doing something wrong? Did I do something wrong before? What can I change? Will we be able to bring Charlotte home? Will our hearts heal just a little? Will the smile and the happiness come back to our lives again? There are just so many unanswered questions.
I try everyday to enjoy this pregnancy, but there are some days that it's so hard. I get so scared and all I want is for this pregnancy to be over so we can have Charlotte here with us. I try not to let those scary days over power me and get in the way. I try to have more happy days and enjoy every little kick and jab, but sometimes I just want to crawl into bed and forget any of this ever happened.

My first knitting project!!

So, I have been taking a knitting class, not sure if I have mentioned that here or not. I started on my first project, a blanket for Charlotte. I am so proud of myself because it's looking great. I had to go and get some help from the woman I am taking the class from because I had messed up. She helped me out. We had to take a lot of it out, so it was like I was starting over again. That's OK, I spent today working on it so I could catch up. I did A LOT today! So, I wanted to post a picture of my progress so far.

update and baby pictures!!

OK, here is a quick update! We had our ultrasound yesterday. We were in there for an hour!! The tech. was very good!! She checked at least 4 times to make sure baby really is a girl! It was awesome! She checked in the beginning and then towards the end and no little penis popped out, so she is almost 100% sure. My peri happened to be there, so the tech. checked in with her and then she ended up coming in to see us. We were a little worried that she was coming in, but she said everything looks great and there were a few measurements that weren't really clear because baby was moving so much. :) So, she wants me to come back in 4 weeks to check again and make sure baby is growing like she should be. I think she is just being extra careful with us, which is fine with me!
After that, we went to see my OB. She was so happy for us too.

It is looking like we are going with Charlotte Eowyn (A-o-win). Eowyn is from Lord of the Rings, Dave's all time favorite story, movie, etc.! She is a warrior and Dave said this baby girl is his warrior who will come home with us. He is very adamant that we use Eowyn for that reason and I don't want to fight him! Plus, I really like the name. We also like the idea of the nickname Charlie or Charley or something like that for the spelling for Charlotte.

Here are some pics of our little Charlotte!


Baby girl parts!!


Profile picture!